There Were Signs

Looking back there were signs
I know there were signs 
I just didn’t know the signs were signs 
Didn’t know they had another meaning
Beyond what I had already assigned them
Parents divorce, trauma, social anxiety
This potent cocktail left me with few friends 
You needed to be friends first, right?
How was I supposed to know? 
I loved romantic movies, songs and media
More than loved - I lived for them
Kept imagining what it would be like
When it happened to me someday
To have someone in your corner
Be your best friend 
To gaze into each other's eyes
That quintessential moment, a first kiss
It was going to happen someday
It had to happen someday
Feeling left out when my peers started pairing off
First going on dates,
Celebrating years together
Then getting married, having children
Discouraged more and more as time went on
Not understanding why
Those were some of the signs
That I didn’t know  had another meaning
Didn’t know, the reason I never had an answer 
To the question “who do you have a crush on?” 
Felt uncomfortable with the word ‘hot’
How was I supposed to know 
The signs I’m aromantic asexual
I didn’t learn about them until I was 28