Lean On

I saw my old teacher today
After my longer goodbye
She told me something I’ll never forget

“you deserve someone who will give you a shoulder to lean on”

She knows me better than most people
She knows I’d rather brave the storm alone
then tell other sailors how to survive
Do as I say, not as I do, right?

Do I deserve a shoulder to lean on?

What shoulder could be as strong as steel
to handle everything my life throws at it
and be able to be standing afterwards

Yet at the same time
be as soft as a silk pillow
on the nights when I just need a hug
and a good cry

What shoulder can be bulletproof
to withstand my suppressed emotions
when my words spit out like gunshots


What shoulder can change its matter
                   because I matter to them?

Idea

I realized something a few days ago
When I was talking to my friend
In nineteen years of my life
I’ve never actually been in love.

You would think for a girl who has written so much about it
That I’ve had to be right?
But what’s even worse
Is that no one has ever been in love with me either

There are two things I’ve learned about love
It’s one thing to love someone
it’s another thing to love the idea
of being with someone

My life isn’t one people love
it’s a fantasy that men dream of
and I want no part of it.

it’s a fairytale for women
something too good to be true
and it’s a standstill
because after all, it’s only an idea.

My body is far from an hourglass
But I do keep track of time
Every new scar, every string of my heart pulled
Every grain of sand ticking down time

Tick
Tick
Tick 

Ticking down the time…
until someone’s idea
becomes a reality
and fulfills that empty promise
of “love”