I Got It

I think I got it

At fourteen zoning out on the knoll

Thinking about how there’s no magic coming

My body’s on a set course from now to oblivion

No magic spell to cross the binary is coming

And nothing made me more sad than that

I think I got it

I never would’ve assumed so

I suppose I was unhappy with myself

Until my body started resembling an unwelcome guest

Maybe I just never gave it much thought

I let people paint and put a name on it

When they craved hair like an indicator

Not talking about the mop on their head

Talking about the hair that solidifies chromosomes

“I know you hate it but why would that matter?”

Yeah I really let them have their way

Threw away my ‘me’ and let the wolves fight it out

No reason to complain right? I had it good

Getting the clout of my peers, it’s good right?

Love, fame, and a living wage, that’s good right?

Knocking back 12 shots just to cope, that’s good right?

Crying in the mirror, that’s the good stuff right?

Saving none of your love for yourself, that’s the good thing yeah?

I had what they wanted, it never looked like suffering

So no one ever lent a hand, just let it all slide

Why’s that? I know why’s that

That’s why I think I got it

Yeah I got it

When I tell them I’m not of their number

But they don’t care, they got a bone to pick

Man man man, they gotta throw down hands

And nothing makes me more ill

Makes me wanna tear my skin off

Rip my organs out and rearrange them

In a way where they’ll start to see me

Do I wanna? No, but it’s like I gotta

Cos I got it, but they have to see I got it

I got the scars but, nah I ain’t got it

Somedays I feel like one way, so I don’t got it