I am Asexual

I am asexual

Generally speaking, this means I don’t experience sexual attraction

I see the feminine body and I feel nothing

I see the masculine body and I feel nothing

Now when I see the body of androgyny, a spark of interest ignites inside of me

But this is not attraction

This is excitement

Excitement in representation

This is because I see myself in that body

In a body that abides by no rules

In a body that encompasses everything and nothing all at the same time

This is because I am agender as well

But that’s a story for another poem

I am asexual

But don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate beauty

Physical beauty

But I don’t crave it, I don’t hunger for it

The way the stereotypical 12-year-old boy hungers for the swimsuit models in the magazines

I don’t feel that

The way a closeted queer person sees their first same-sex celebrity crush on the screen of their television and realizes who they really are

I never had that

I didn’t like anyone

I tried to feel something

I tried

I tried

I tried to look at them with the eyes of desire

But I felt nothing

Not attraction

Nothing

It just wasn’t me

I am asexual

But my definition

My experiences

My words are my own

Don’t take them as gospel

They’re far from it

I am asexual

And for me it means I don’t find people to be physically attractive

For me it means I don’t crave sex or physical intimacy

For me it means that if I’m with my partner I will kiss them

I will hold them

I will show them the highest level of intimacy that I can

But it’s not rooted in physical attraction

It’s not rooted in how sexy I think they look in that tight skirt

It’s not because that new button-up shirt is getting me all hot and bothered

It’s not because they are so damn thick that I can’t contain myself

It’s because that’s how I show them I care

That’s how I show them love

I’m asexual

And I can be affectionate

I can have sex

…if I want to

…or I could not

Whatever I do that’s my business