Blackjack
"Is your mom a stripper?"
"Is your dad a dealer?"
"Do you live in a casino?"
"Is there fruit in Las Vegas?"
"Do you go clubbing every night?"
"I bet you know how to show me a good time."
If by a good time you mean
sitting in your bed
with calculus textbooks
and all 987 pages of Tom Jones in
bible thin paper
then sure
My mom isn't a stripper
but she used to be a blackjack dealer
my parent’s meet-cute was in the casino
they both worked at
I don't live in a casino
but my debate partner's uncle
owns all the Station Casinos
And I had my proms
in ballroom suites
Is there fruit in Las Vegas?
Are you a dumbass?
I don't go clubbing every night
I barely leave my house
And yes people live here
there is more to this city
than just the strip
you saw in the Hangover
Living in Vegas
Is constantly trying to prove to people
there is more beauty beyond the strip
There is a fire breathing praying mantis metal sculpture down town
we have our own philharmonic orchestra
there are soup factories that make your nose burn
mountain ranges that graze against coral brandished skies
Living in Las Vegas
is constantly cursing the palm trees
that lie about this town being a tropical paradise
Living in Las Vegas
Is treasuring the few stars I can see on my balcony
Orion's belt is home to me
when nights are 30 degrees colder than the day
I shiver while I wait out loud nights
Living in Las Vegas
is wrought with confusion
Because the only ace up my sleeve
was me
the only counting I did
was not of cards
but of conversations
where I was called
a prude
innocent
It's being confused why
people want to “hook up” so badly
It's having my bra size questioned
in front of guys I did not know
by girls who laughed when I balked
It's having my ass slapped
by nerds rope
It's people's shock
when I say I wouldn't kiss a hot stranger
that I don't know what hot means
Other than the 100 degree weather
But I guess that’s not what they meant
It's being desensitized
to nearly naked girls on billboards
not understanding why there was one for a golf course
It's not understanding
why my friends were hanging on me
why my friends weren't nervous
sitting on each others’ laps
and kissing each other on the cheek
but calling each other "gal pals"
It’s having friends
who could understand liking
boys or girls or anything in between
but liking no one
made no sense
so I pretended I had crushes
that were meant to be crushed
I did not have language to describe my absence
so I folded my hand
gave in
pretended I was just innocent
so I wouldn't have to deal with rumors
got called a dyke once that was enough for me
I learned to play everyone else’s games
but was hurt
to find that there was a bet on my sexuality
because I didn’t have a boyfriend at the age of 15
and it hurts because they were right
for the wrong reasons
they were all right
for the wrong reasons
when I thought everyone was right
that I just needed the "right person"
I clung to the feeling
for too long
I think
because I wanted
to be normal
Living in Las Vegas
Isn't just trying to say your city is defined by more
than sex
It's saying you can be
I don't know how to get you laid
but I do know
how to read books in Sam's Club and save the book number in your phone
the only gambles I make are the ones I take with my food
because I'm allergic to half of them
I can show you the ironies hidden in streets
we have wedding chapels across from divorce courts
our street names
are the things we have
the things we wish we had
what we regret having
namely
mountains
water
western colonialism respectively
I am not the person who can show you strip clubs
but I can show you the handful of stars in the sky
take you to a parking garage
then show you the sea of stars that is my home
