When did being friends became less important than being boyfriend or girlfriend?
Why do people sneer when they say „She wants to be JUST friends“?
Does my friendship really mean so little? And my body so much?
I’ve never held my body in such a great regard as you do, then.
It was always a little lumpy. Little too fat. Little too big.
I’ve grown to love it, yes. But surely you can’t love it more than I do. After all it’s still a bit lumpy. Still a bit fat.
So how can my body be more important to you than my friendship? My devotion. My trust. My weirdness. My help. My love.
We may like how other people look aesthetically. But then you look inside their heads and that’s when you know the difference. Do you love the body? Or mind?
If you love them both then why are you angered by me trying to give you all my love? That’s what friendship means to me. And you toss it away like a consolation prize you didn’t ask for. You may reluctantly agree to be friends but I see your heart is not in it. I’m naively happy, but that happiness is shortlived. You stop talking to me, stop replying to my messages. I stop trying to make conversation. You don’t seem to mind, but my heart starts to doubt itself. Maybe if I allowed us to be in a relationship you wanted, you wouldn’t vanish from my life. I overthink it. I can’t sleep because of it.
Then I meet you in the city. You have a girlfriend and you’re all smiley. I politely make small talk and smile so much my cheeks hurt. I’m happy for you, truly. And really sad.
Maybe my friendship wasn’t enough. Maybe I wasn’t enough.


But that’s rubbish.
We just weren’t interested in the same thing.
Yet I still mourn my lost friend.