What is the meaning of aesthetic attraction? What are the differences between aesthetic attraction vs. romantic attraction and aesthetic attraction vs. physical attraction? How does arousal factor into aesthetic attraction? Is aesthetic attraction the same as experiencing a crush? How does aesthetic attraction differ from gender envy? Is aesthetic attraction a concept that is only limited to aromantic, asexual, and aroace identity?

These are all questions that may be commonly asked when people first hear about aesthetic attraction or when people want more clarification about it. To define it, aesthetic attraction is being attracted to someone aesthetically, or otherwise to their appearance. In Ending the Pursuit, my description of it is “attraction to another person based on their visual appearance.” Aesthetic attraction does not require the presence of sexual or romantic attraction.

Aesthetic Attraction vs. Romantic Attraction

“There is a general assumption that a person automatically has sexual and romantic attraction toward a person whom they are aesthetically attracted to” (pg. 70). However, aesthetic attraction is not the same as sexual or romantic attraction. While romantic attraction may include being aesthetically attracted to a person’s features, romantic attraction is predicated on the desire to form a romantic relationship or engage in romantic acts with another person, such as through romantic dating or courtship practices.

Romance itself is highly dependent and defined by societal ideas of what it means to be romantic, and so romantic attraction can mean very different things in different contexts (if it even exists in a particular context at all). What is “romantic” in one space or time may be totally “unromantic” in another; what is considered “romantic” can also shift heavily depending on various factors including cultural and social identity.

Aesthetic attraction is less reliant on social contexts for definition (although, of course, not totally independent from them) and is more so a reference to the act of being attracted to a person’s appearance. Of course, this is not to say that there are not certainly variations in regard to how aesthetic attraction is experienced and in regard to what features may be considered aesthetically attractive or not (if at all).

Aesthetic Attraction vs. Physical Attraction

Physical attraction is commonly associated and has been described as “often instant, and it can contribute to feelings of excitement, increased energy levels, and craving for physical connection upon seeing someone for the first time.” Aesthetic attraction does not inherently involve or necessitate the desire for physical connection and may not inspire other feelings that are associated with physical attraction.

At the same time, aesthetic attraction may sometimes be imagined as being synonymous with physical attraction. For instance, to say you are attracted to the physical appearance of someone may be understood in the same way as saying you are attracted to them aesthetically. However, the differences between these terms primarily relates to the connotations of physical attraction vs. aesthetic attraction.

While physical attraction is commonly associated with romantic and sexual feelings and the desire to form a relationship, aesthetic attraction often carries with it a different connotation that separates it from sexual and romantic attraction entirely. However, this does not mean that aesthetic attraction is limited to non-sexual and non-romantic contexts. Rather, it can be described in association to all other forms of attraction.

Aesthetic Attraction and Arousal

Although there may be an assumption that aesthetic attraction does not involve arousal, it certainly can (although it does not have to). Despite common associations between arousal and sexual desire, being aroused by the aesthetic appearance of a person does not necessitate the presence of sexual or romantic feelings. For instance, a person can find (self-)pleasure in a person’s appearance without desiring to have sex with them.

The complex ways in which aesthetic attraction may be understood by different people is therefore demonstrated through the various terms people may use to describe aesthetic attraction. While some people may describe aesthetic attraction as appreciation akin to admiring a beautiful sunrise or artwork, others may describe it as finding someone aesthetically “hot” in a way that may involve arousal (with or without sexual desire).

While arousal is commonly associated or described as being an indicator of sexual attraction, this is not necessarily the case for everyone and is also dependent on where the lines between forms of attraction are drawn (and how deeply they are policed and separated from one another). Some people may not experience sexual attraction or desire sex, yet experience arousal, which might cause others to impose various classifications upon them.

Aesthetic Attraction and Crushes

The term crush is commonly used to refer to one’s intense or consistent affection or attraction to another person, often in romantic and sexual terms. Because of its sexual and romantic associations, a similar term, squish, is used to refer to an intense or consistent non-romantic and non-sexual affection or attraction to another person. A squish therefore may be used to characterize an ‘aesthetic crush’ on someone.

Aesthetic attraction may be a critical part of having a crush or squish on someone, although it is certainly not a requirement. A person may have a deep emotional crush or squish on another person in which aesthetic attraction is not a relevant or an important factor at all. At the same time, just because a person is aesthetically attracted to someone also does not mean it has to be defined as a crush or squish.

Aesthetic Attraction vs. Gender Envy

Gender envy may refer to a person’s desire to look like, reflect the same energy as, or be like a person who reflects or embodies a particular gender. The term “often refers to having envy for an individual’s expression of gender (for example, wanting the physical features, voice, mannerisms, style, etc., of a specific gender),” and is thus commonly entwined with the aesthetic appearance of a person.

The term is used within trans and otherwise non-cisgender spaces and discourses. External to these contexts, the term “envy” can carry with it a certain implication or connotation that can be harmful or invalidating when imposed onto others, rather than when when it is used to describe one’s own experiences. Through this understanding we can see that aesthetic attraction is not the same as gender envy.

While gender envy may relate to a person’s desire to be like, reflect, or embody a gender, aesthetic attraction refers to one’s attraction to another person, not necessarily an “envy” to be like them. You can thus be aesthetically attracted to someone without experiencing gender envy toward them, and vice versa. Both aesthetic attraction and gender envy can also exist simultaneously.

Aesthetic Attraction and Ace/Aro Identity

Finally, while the concept of aesthetic attraction is often highlighted within asexual and aromantic discourses, it is not limited to these spaces or to non-sexual and non-romantic discussions. Aesthetic attraction is relevant to anyone who may or may not experience it, not just aces and aros, and its implications extend beyond ace and aro identities, since it can function as a point of reference to understand all of our attractions differently.

While aesthetic attraction is often either subsumed in the shadow of sex and romance or is assumed to be entirely disconnected from arousal, crushes, and sexual and romantic feelings, highlighting its relation to these concepts can alter how we understand ourselves and our relationality differently. Through these realizations, aesthetic attraction may be another term to help us navigate and unpack the complexities of attraction, relationships, and life.

This article is part of the AZE Overview series, which was made possible by the journal’s supporters on Patreon: patreon.com/azejournal

The concept of aesthetic attraction and other forms of attraction are discussed in depth in the book Ending the Pursuit: Asexuality, Aromanticism, and Agender Identity, available at: https://unbound.com/books/ending-the-pursuit E-book: https://www.amazon.com/Ending-Pursuit-Asexuality-Aromanticism-Identity-ebook/dp/B0CDRBJ6KL