advice to my 17 year-old self
“While aces have been fighting the idea that we’re sick, disabled people have been trying to prove they’re not asexual.”
-written during the January 2022 Omicron surge, waiting on PCR results, researching long-COVID symptoms from bed
advice to my 17 year-old self
take the journeys you need to take
let your questions reroute you
when others ask “why?”
“I don’t know” is a valid answer
just know that your belovedness and loneliness
intermingle. you will never arrive
but you will be content in your body
you will rest and be at ease
when doctors keep you on the rat-race of
self-improvement, you can say no
when you feel like you don’t belong unless
your symptoms disappear, find new friends
seek out reflective people who ask their own questions
witness the unexpected journeys
that commence once the truth is revealed in trust
and not just in romantic relationships, mind you
as you unravel purity culture, the gender binary, asexuality
white beauty standards, mold illness, medical trauma
ptsd, autoimmune disease, corrective rape, eugenics
it’s okay to cry. but be mindful who you trust.
rehearse your own desirability to yourself, you are not broken
your love is powerful, most people have never experienced it
receive the care of community; receive your own love too
because there is nothing to fix
ask yourself what you need and want, let your answers
be different. you are creating a beautiful life
let yourself be held wherever love, attention & trust flourish
In the myriad of consensual dynamics that are created
you don’t exist to make sense to people, pause to enjoy
your own becoming. you are pure treasure
make sure your healing is full of laughter and naps
& staring at the wall in wonder; you are still here
