I’m Mad Because You Told Me It Was Impossible

I was healthy and you told me I was sick
It was with me the entire time and you convinced me that I had missed it

Chasing something, outside of me entirely
My feelings illegitimate because no one had been inside of me

Fuck you.
And fuck them too

I was funny, I was serious, but felt like I constantly had to prove
That my thoughts had weight, and my friendship was important

I’m furious at the time you told me my love was just dormant
Until it could be awakened,
By the “right person”
I’m shocked I somehow retained any self-assertion

My love is deep
My love is rare
My love is selfless
And my love was always there

Compelling me
To be a loyal friend
To be a loving partner
I could never ever pretend

To feel like that
And to feel like this
Fuck you for saying it wasn’t real until we kissed

I was in the middle of it before I knew I began
I love him now
And I also loved him then
My heart just aches for those who feel lesser than

Because it’s not sex
Because it’s not hetero
Because somewhere there’s a person who may just never know
They are love
It’s threaded in their veins
Their passion, their friendship, already contains

Everything they need
To be connected
Fuck you for thinking love like that needn’t be protected

If it's not marriage
If it's not straight
Then it's just sad
Just waiting to be changed

It’s sexual or it’s nothing
The only commitment man can make
Must be based
On some form of romantic attraction

Why would anyone be there for you
If they can’t take sexual action?
Is that all we are?
At the end of our lives?
Destined to be lonely if we’re not husbands or wives

It’s a myth
A complete fabrication
No one without romance should feel such trepidation
What about the love between siblings?
Or happy homes with platonic friends?
Why aren’t other forms of love shown the same reverence?

I lived so long thinking
If I could only see the other side of the coin
And now that I am in love,
I look back angry at all the fucking noise

That made me believe
I wasn’t fully realized
Without some romantic partner
And some reality so idealized

That I simply accepted
Because I was fine alone
I would always be disconnected

Fuck you for telling me
That intimacy only came in one form
You think so small, and so uninspired
No wonder your view of love is so fucking forlorn

I’m mad! Because you told me it was impossible
And now not only do I have it, but it’s phenomenal

I have a love
So beautiful and vast
That never required that
So when I finally grasped
That nothing was wrong with me
No change was ever needed
I can’t help but be furious
At the way I was mistreated

The lies I consumed
For so long growing up
Made me feel like I was doomed
Because I am the way I am
I just had always assumed
Love wasn’t for me
It wasn’t what I could give
I was fucking hurt
And that’s difficult to forgive

I’m telling you I feel angry
Because I felt lacking for so long
And if there is one thing that comes out of this
I just write and hope to God
That somebody somewhere

Feels more legitimized
And can start to see non-sexual relationships
So much more dignified

You all feel love
That’s what makes us human
Regardless of your relationships
You deserve to feel included

Love is a human need,
Romance is not
And I am angry on your behalf
If you ever felt like you forgot

I’m sad because you told me it was impossible.
And I spent too many years taking your pessimism as my gospel.
But now I know forever, and say it with my chest-
Love isn’t something you search for,
It’s something you express.