Hopeless Aromantic
“You’re quite the hopeless romantic aren’t you” mutters a friend from across the couch. It’s Friday night and we’re catching up in the previous weeks events. “Pfft try hopeless aromantic” I respond snidely mocking them as if they couldn’t have suggested something more ridiculous. But this... this is how I figured it out.
I have identified as aromantic for a little over 3 years now and it is still confusing to me. When I first stumbled across the term aromantic something just clicked, an “oh my gosh this is me” type of moment. I never had a crush growing up, when we played truth or dare in middle school and someone sheepishly asked me who my crush was, I often looked back in confusion and then replied with a boy whom many others had a crush on because he was cute... right? So why 3 years later am I still unsure about my identity? Well it is this simple:
I love romance. I love PDA. I love love. My heart nearly explodes watching my friends get scooped up by their boyfriends. I shouldn’t like all these things by definition and it confuses just about everyone I know. My friends often joke about how it’s a good thing I don’t have a boyfriend because he would never be able to out-do me. I’m the friend people go to for date ideas, gift ideas or other romantic things in general. But I’m aromantic... right?
I’m at work and we’re all talking about our love lives. We’re setting up for a wedding so we are discussing our hopes for the future, I chime in saying one day I want to get married in the mountains. I get looks of confusion. Someone speaks up “aren’t you aromantic... why do you want to get married?” This is not a question I had an answer to. It’s something I have always wanted. I want to grow up and get married and have a family. But I’m aromantic... right?
It’s Saturday night and I’m out with friends at the club, fresh 18 and dancing the night away. My friend goes to the bathroom, when she comes back, I’m drooped over a guy kissing him as alcohol sears through my veins. Kissing people is an activity I have always enjoyed, being drunk is the only time I’ve found kissing someone who you aren’t in a relationship with is truly acceptable, after all kissing is a romantic gesture. But I’m aromantic... right?
It’s Thanksgiving and I’m sitting across the table from best friend and her boyfriend. They say something cute to each other that makes me giggle. “I can’t wait till I have a boyfriend” I say in between bites of food. Looks of disbelief are thrown my way. I want a boyfriend. But I’m aromantic... right?
Defining the difference between aromantic and straight has always been difficult for me. Society teaches us how to be straight and only straight. There is no guidebook to being aromantic and what behaviours define aromanticsm. This is where a lot of my doubt comes from. I enjoy so many activities that are deemed for couples in relationships. I enjoy romantic gestures and cute little presents... so how could I possibly identify as aromantic. Well there’s a simple catch to these things. I only like these things when they are not directed at me. My friend’s boyfriend bought her a coffee at work. Super cute. A boy bringing me coffee at work makes me want to run to the hills. A boy asks out my friend. Fantastic. A boy asks me out and I never have experienced this amount of panic before. Love and romance bring joy to me in ideals. I often dream about having a boyfriend and what it would be like, but in reality anything that can be interpreted as remotely romantic sends a panic through my body, a sense of fight or flight. It blows my mind that someone would have that type of attraction to me because I would never have that type of attraction to them. It is for this reason that I am a
hopeless aromantic.
