Flesh

Flesh or The Lust of the Others

I wanted to express the struggle I had (still have) with my sexuality, masculinity, and society. For a long time I have felt this pressure from society and from myself. I saw how my friends got into relationships. I heard their stories about what they have done already. Whenever these topics came up in conversations I felt left out. It felt like I missed something. I asked myself: “Why don’t I like these themes? Why don’t I care for this stuff? Why don’t I want to have sex? What is wrong with me?” My family often asks when I will finally have a relationship. Of course, they expect a girlfriend. They expect me to become a father at some point: “I’m a man and this is what men do. I have to want this or is there anything wrong with my masculinity?” I never wanted any of this, but I tried to fit. I tried to match the image of masculinity that society created. And whenever I liked something that wasn’t “masculine”, people were surprised, shocked and said: “That doesn’t suit a boy/man. Are you gay?” And I quickly replied: “No! I was just looking”. I didn't know any better back then. I wanted to be accepted and not be seen as wrong. It was a long journey for myself to realize that I’m not wrong. There is something wrong with societies perception of “femininity” and “masculinity”. I’m not the one who has to change. I’m allowed to wear nail polish and the clothes I like. I can allow myself to be me; to be as feminine/masculine (whatever that is) as I want to be.