Love Interest Lens
Rigorous anthropological study reveals the Kafka theory is more widespread than we previously thought. If you shed enough of yourself to fit any situation, you might become an invertebrate. However, the same things that cause the startle response to shed something essential to the self can be guarded against. We’re observing one example of this phenomenon today. Have you seen the following? Head tilted slightly, eyes squinting considering looking up, mouth building up to a breath saying something new, eyebrows pulled together in thought, shoulders tensed. See how the recipient tenses in return, already wondering what the best way to escape will be. We will follow them through this harrowing situation.
Sara had been caught in the lens again, and she had not raised her hand. Sitting turned away from the other students, she was absorbed in the geography homework. The considering one asks if she would consider in turn a romantic relationship. She was studiously keeping her eyes averted and speaking casually. She had thought that this time staying so still and explaining that she wasn’t an option would be enough. She’s seen in movies and books that the person picked from the crowd to be the romantic interest is sparkly. Manic pixie dream girl orbiting the main character. All the protective shields were not enough to avoid the spotlight. This is not a foolproof strategy, as in the wild many believe that they can be the exception to your rule. Perhaps this time she could avoid shedding her new confidence. She locked eyes with them in response, and thought back to what might have triggered it. She lived by the rules of prey animals. Don’t be where the predators are. Don’t be seen by them. Don’t be an option. In short, become a beetle.
The shells of previous molts when she had been startled this way before clinked softly along the ground as she walked. Sara had already shed many of her accessories that would draw the eye of those who look. As her classmates were learning how to swoon at romance and how to mimic it, Sara was learning in reverse how to avoid attention, the best ways to shy away.There is an undefined point that you’re meant to begin wanting different things from childhood. And in this way, Sara had wanted to want different things - the belonging that comes from desiring and being flustered by similar things. Not that she did not want to be someone desired, but that she was repulsed by other people wanting her. She doesn’t know why. Often she pretended to want more with her friends, but that was shedding the part of her that didn’t know how to want it like everyone else did. What is left after you are unpalatable to everyone including yourself?
On playgrounds and in classrooms and at family reunions, the prevailing thought is that adulthood will just happen to you. If you are seen shirking this, you are clinging to an ignorance. Caught in the lens this time, Sara remembered leaving behind the part of her that loved to banter. The part of her that wanted to try new colors and textures for fun. The part of her that would laugh too loudly at other people’s jokes, to be mistaken for special favor. Sara had not seen this coming. Oh honey, what will you do now?
Meeting a new person can be daunting. Prefacing the interaction with the knowledge that you are not available, or interested, or an option, can make it easier. Sara was conflicted here, because this was a chance to fit in and try out the presented ideal with this person. She had done so much to slough off the romantic tint, to avoid the cliches, to lean closer to the stereotypes that would allow her to avoid romance. See how Sara has to be not an option before the dread of considering leaves her. See how she has already shed all the parts of her that interest and amaze her. She has learned that there are many ways to avoid being the one picked.
Oh hunted, it’s not possible to escape forever.
Sara shook her head and said, “Not to you.” Implying that she would want someone else. Implying that she was not interested this time. Implying that the romantic overture was unwelcome. Twisting herself into a shape that will let the considering person draw their own conclusions. Observe Sara’s daring escape and encourage her to reverse the process of diverting attention. Sara has cemented her position for today. There are other things to consider and talk about. Perhaps next time she will discover that shedding everything she is does not make her less of an option. She will discover that other people are repulsed by romance as well, and that you don’t have to want it. She will discover that some people just never do, and she is not the only one who struggled through shedding herself to escape the love interest lens.
